Marie-Grace: A life of abuse

"My husband became violent and adamant, but even when I eventually gave birth, he refused to buy clothes for the baby. Nurses asked him for the clothes when I was in labour – he told them to ask me why my parents weren’t helping me.

I found myself between a rock and a hard place because even when I went to my parents for help, they said that my husband would not appreciate them helping me as it would send him the message that he could not adequately manage his home.

When I came back home, my husband was so furious that I had exposed his weaknesses to other people and gave me a thorough beating.

After giving birth to two other children in such circumstances, I decided that enough was enough and tried to use traditional family planning methods but when my husband found out, he burnt me with very hot water.

And even once our children had grown up he still did not stop being abusive, drunk and violent. In 1998 we parted ways but in those early days of separation when we ran into each other somewhere, he demanded sex from me, which meant I had to run away from him.

One day when I went to the sector offices I found other women whose stories of domestic violence were similar and often worse than mine. We shared our experiences and formed a cooperative society and ActionAid through Faith Vision Association gave us a loan.

Today we are engaged in apiculture, with nine modern hives and 18 traditional ones, under our umbrella Dukunde Inzuki Cooperative. We currently have 48 members, all victims of gender-based violence. We started petty trading, which meant that I could give my children some fruits and vegetables to hawk around. I also went back to school and completed Primary Six as a mature student.

The business started to turn a profit, which meant I could send my children back to school. I now trade in beans as well. Last year I invested in a garden of cassava which I bought from a friend.

When I sold all the cassava, I used part of the money to prepare land and grow pastures for the cows that ActionAid gave us this year.

A friend recently gave me a piece of land, which I am planning to start work on with my colleagues – we have already molded the bricks.

The levels of confidence, income, sharing of experiences and general welfare in our lives today have all come courtesy of ActionAid Rwanda."